A Letter For The Partner Who Isn't Sold on Couples Therapy

Dear Partner Who Isn't Sold on the Idea of Couples Therapy,

I know you didn't ask to be here. I know you think this is unnecessary. Just give me two minutes.

You might be rolling your eyes. Maybe your person said "we need to talk to someone," and you thought 'Great, another person telling me I'm doing it wrong.' I get it. I really do.

The thing I want you to know about couples therapy is I'm not here to take sides.

I don't care who forgot to take out the trash. I don't care who said what three years ago at that dinner party. I'm not keeping score.

I'm here because I know you actually love this person. If you didn't, you wouldn't be annoyed. You'd just be gone.

Let me ask you a few questions. Be honest with yourself.

» Are you tired of the same fight?

» Are you tired of the silent treatment?

» Tired of feeling like roommates instead of partners?

» Tired of the distance?

Because I am. And I don't even live with you.

Here's what I promise you:

» I won't tell you someone is right and someone is wrong.

» I won't say that you're being dramatic.

» I will actually listen to your side. The whole thing. Without deciding you're the "problem."

One session.

That's all I'm asking. Sit on my (virtual) couch just one time. Be skeptical. Cross your arms.

If after one hour you think I'm full of it and this is a waste of time? Fine. Tell your partner you tried. You never have to come back.

But if after one hour you think... 'Huh, that wasn't terrible. She actually gets it.' Then maybe we keep going.

Worst case: You're right, and you wasted an hour.

Best case: You get your person back.

I think that's worth a shot.

Sincerely,
Kate